Saturday, 22 June 2013

It's a Batch wedding!

You all know how much i love weddings, well at least from the number of posts i'v put up here related to weddings, you have a good idea! It is quite apparent and if you did not know before i have said it now o. I started out this year with only 3 weddings in view and now i have one to attend for every month from now till November, i know December go soon join in!!I have already attended one in January (was a bridesmaid), one in February, one in March, one in April (was a bridesmaid) and one in June, so i have only been free of attending a wedding in May!I am certain in another life that i am a wedding planner, i should count my bridesmaid dresses also, e go don pass 27 o!lol. Forgive me though as i digress, this post is about a batch wedding i attended in Kaduna last weekend.
The 3 couples
me humble self
3 couples got married in the church at the same time, it was a new experience for me although my friends said a couple of big churches or parishes do it so more of their members can get married in the church. The 3 different couples had their individual sets of Bridesmaids and groomsmen, the groomsmen were just for decoration and pictures though and maybe to dance in with the couple at the reception venue. These were the colors 1st couple-Peach and Turquoise (the couple I was attending for, their bridal train had the nicest oufit) 2nd couple-red and gold 3rd couple-Olive green and all the bridesmaids sat together opposite the couples on the stage. The grooms stood on the stage with one empty seat beside them, the pastor said a prayer and the service began promptly at 10am, the choir began singing, the brides danced in with their fathers on their arm and their train behind them one after the other (the dance was very brief as it was not just 1couple to be joined) before they joined their individual grooms on the altar. There was a brief admonition to the crowd and it was time to join the couples, they were joined one after the other, the fathers came on stage separately when it was the turn of their daughters to confirm they were the ones giving them away, vows were read, rings exchanged, photographs taken and everyone took their seats. After this, there was a super long sermon (I was asleep so I have no idea what was preached), I woke up just in time for the couples to sign the marriage register one after the other and show off their marriage certificates to the crowd, as this was ongoing, offering baskets were being passed around. I left the church after dropping my offering and went into the car to receive some AC and charge my phone. The service finished about 15mins later and we went down to the reception venue. 
It was a nice venue, or so i thought at first glance (green grass, creeping green grass on some of the walls and a water fountain although without water) although they had made no provision for parking so people had to park on the roadside. I entered the area reserved for us and that was when I saw it!!! The décor was tacky and dirty, the t! absolutely no effort had been put into it, it was an eyesore, if not for the couple and my fiancé I was with, I would have left for home after I saw an insect crawling up one of the chairs (not just any insect o, but the famous black&orange skirt and blouse insect that scars u with its toxins if it climbs your skin, especially if you mistakenly try to kill it). The chair and table covers where white and visibly dirty, the satin decoration looked like it had been pulled out of a cup, there was a vase on a couple of tables filled with water and multicolored gels that made me just want to puke! The stage arrangement was rubbish, the high table was placed behind the couple so the parents of the couple who happened to be seated there were watching the chair the couple sat on throughout the event! I stayed however and as I looked around it dawned on me that the venue probably came with decoration, most of these places came with a package deal when you want to rent them, which was the explanation for why they could not be bothered to make the place look nice, or at the very least CLEAN!
The MC did not help matters either making drab jokes (“no dancing of dt asotob (azonto) dance that makes you look crippled here or our security agents will arrest you”  and how a section with a ribbon around it to show it was reserved for guests made them look like cultists and that they were in bondage!! *rme) and absolutely un-entertaining (he was from the church). He made the best man read out the order of photographs so the poor guy only managed to appear in one pic. The music was boring, the church said no secular naija jamz, strictly Christian music, then why not make a selection that the guests can dance to. The only ones played that were a bit nice and that I recognized were Olo mi-tosin martins, Oruka-Sunny nneji, Igwe-Midnight crew and Wifey-Eldee.
They banned spraying of the couples!! One red cap chief that came around ended up spraying the guests who swiftly put the money in their bags. Nigerians are not fans of dropping money in trays, they need that band/dj to make their head swell with music that they just throw money in the air. Couples make a lot of money from this at weddings. It can be naira, dollar, pounds, just name the currency, as long as the music dey enter brain, they will stand up and spray. Enveloped money and dropping money in trays just don’t work. The food was ok, jollof rice, moi-moi and beef. It did not stop me from having goatmeat peppersoup when I got home though.
It was over in an hour and a bit and some woman came to talk about women empowerment for widows, singles etc (really!! Talking about widowhood @ a wedding!!*smh)

I don’t subscribe to the batch wedding though, I mean this day is going to happen only once in my life, so I don’t see why I should share any moment of it with anyone, I want a slow and steady walk down the aisle, not a rushed one. This is one day I want it to be all about me and my man. If you are using a green area for your reception, I advice you get someone to spray the grass with a pesticide before the event so your guests are not itching under the table.
As for the superlong preaching, that thing dey tire me and most guest I believe, would it kill to keep it brief and straight to the point?!don’t bring your own family issues into it, in the name of advice to the newly weds biko!we don do marriage counselling already, we don’t need another long session during the wedding ceremony. Left to me I will jst get a minister to do the ceremony and join us at the same venue as the reception. Brief and straight to the point, and people will move to the reception area from there,enjoy themselves and not have to drive or be stressed locating the reception venue. After eating, dancing and being entertained, everyone one goes home happy with their quality souvenirs (not dunlop slippers o!). It all boils down to planning at the end of the day. 
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