Tips for Flying with a Toddler (12mos+)

I waited till my daughter turned 1 year old before we travelled by air. I just knew i'd feel more comfortable and confident managing her at that age. Our first trip was to Lagos in 2018 for the December holidays. It was pretty easy and straightforward as it was a 1 hour flight and i was still breastfeeding her at the time. She got to meet her great-grand-parents from my side of the family and extended family members of her father and myself that reside in Lagos. It was a lot of fun and we also got to celebrate our birthday together before returning back to Abuja.

Since that trip, we have flown to Lagos two more times (after i weaned her), i went to the London alone with her for my close friend's wedding and we also went to South Africa for a family vacation.

I have gotten some experience on how best to manage her effectively on flights and have a somewhat hassle-free (or minimised) trip. As always, its good to remember that all children are unique and you may have to customise some of the tips by figuring out what works best for your child.

Here are my tips:

1. Flight Regulations: Know your baggage weight limit and stick to it. Liquids and Creams you carry should be in the allowed size and put them in a clear Ziploc bag to avoid spilling and to avoid hassles at security checks. Know the contraband and avoid carrying them, check-in anything you are not sure about. You don't want to be re-arranging bags and boxes with a toddler in hand.
2. Be Time Conscious: Take note of your flight time, layover time, etc. Get to the airport, & checked-in in good time and sit by your boarding gate if published already, otherwise keep an eye on the board to see when its published and listen for announcements. If you are not sure of something regarding your flight, find an official and ask. If you have a connecting flight that is 1 or 2 hours, proceed directly to the boarding gate once you pass through security. You'll be surprised that the time is already up between when the plane taxied and you got through security. This was how i ended up missing my connecting flight from Frankfurt to London, the security check was intense and by the time i used the restroom and changed my toddler before heading to the boarding gate, i was told the flight had left. I had to pay a subsidised price to get on another flight. Luckily i did not have to wait for too long but it was still extremely upsetting.
3. Take Advantage: If you have a baby or toddler, you have PRIORITY. This means you get to skip the queues for check-in and boarding. Go right up to the front and ignore the stares. Don't stay on queues and get exhausted carrying your baby, you will end up tired and with a fussy baby. Allow the staff use their Lift access and help you with your stroller and any other perks offered.
4. Stock up on patience: Especially on your first flight ever, its your toddler's first time having this experience so they are bound to be excited and want to explore or they me be anxious and overwhelmed. Basically, things may not go as you plan and that's ok. Just go with the flow and try not to get stressed
5. Get a light-weight stroller (Depending on the country you are travelling, it may be best to have a stroller to move around with your toddler, it is wayyyy easier than carrying them and bags) It helped me a lot in London (There's a lot of  ramps, lifts, escalators, helpful people,etc.) and i moved around way quicker than expected and whenever she wanted to be out of it, i just put our shopping bags in it and allowed her walk around or i carried her briefly and it was also  an on-the-go seat, snack area or 'bed' instead of me carrying a cranky or sleepy baby.                                                            
6. Take a Sippy cup for water: Most airport security will not allow you pass with your plastic bottle of water). You can buy after passing through security, especially if you have a long layover. Some airports have water fountains or dispensers so look out for those as well.
7. Food, Fruits & Snacks: Depending on how long the flight duration & airport layover will be, you will have to decide on taking some food, fruit, snacks (preferably your child's faves-crisps, yogurt, cakes, biscuit, juice, etc.) and water. Try not to pack excess, you have a fair idea of how much your child eats in a certain amount of time so pack just enough till you land or get on your flight in case you are in a foreign country and there's no familiar food or they don't eat any of the food you buy them. You do not want to have a hungry toddler on your hands, trust me.                                                                                                                                                               
8. Diaper Bag: It doesn't have to be in the style of a typical diaper bag but it should contain all the essentials- Diapers, Wipes, Changing mat, Change of clothes for baby and you, Medication (especially pain relief), Blanket, Socks, Bibs, Washcloths, Body Cream, Hair brush, Toys, Disinfecting Wipes, Wetbag or Nylon for Soiled Diapers/clothes, etc.
9. Vomit bag: If the plane does not have a paper bag, its good to have one or a nylon bag on standby. There may be turbulence and your toddler cannot necessarily signal you that they feel queasy and i doubt they can hold back vomit as well. My daughter had a projectile vomit episode on our flight and i was quite flustered and took me some time to compose myself and figure out what to do. I had to clean her and myself up in the tiny airport bathroom with a washcloth, i changed her clothes n gave her a wipe down and put the soiled clothes and blanket in a nylon bag. Luckily the passenger beside us was asleep & most of the people on the flight were asleep at the time so i did not have to endure stares and all.  I cleaned up the parts of the seat n floor the vomit got on with wipes and tissue and put them all in a plastic bag. She had some water and slept not long after. I was alone with her for this flight and did not have a change of clothes (luckily i wore all black and was able to wipe myself clean with a washcloth) so it was almost overwhelming.
10. Travel Pillow:  I use this to cushion my back or my neck or my toddler's head when she's sleeping on me. I just strap it to my hand luggage or her diaper bag n i'm good.                                                                    
11. Weather-Appropriate Clothing n Shoes: Research on the weather of the place you will be flying to especially if its an international flight. you can dress your toddler according to the weather condition of where you are departing from but if you are going to a colder country, you may want to pack a Jacket, Boots, etc in the diaper bag so you can put them on your toddler once you land. I found it's best to layer their clothing so i can add-on or take off depending on weather changes.
12. Have Entertainment: It can be videos, games, toys, books, etc. Things you know engages your toddler and keeps them occupied. This will distract them from the change in environment and the wait time for the flight or flight duration. I usually download her favorite rhymes and shows on YouTube so i don't have to be connected for her to watch it and i can be on airplane mode. I also have a toy or 2 in her diaper bag and use them in rotation and a picture book. I use any of these to entertain her as needed. Sometimes she just plays with herself or a piece of plastic.lol. Some airports have a play area for kids so you can use that if its not too far from your boarding gate and if you have time. Some planes also have screens with games, cartoons or activities for kids so definitely take advantage of that. If all else fails you can make up games and play with them. Let your toddler play and runaround as much as possible before the fight so they will most likely sleep on the flight.                                                                                                          
13. Long Flight: If its a long flight, allow them walk down the aisles of the plane under your supervision and with the seat-belt sign off in order to promote blood circulation. It can be when most passengers are asleep and you can walk with them.                                                                                                    

Extra Tips  

• If you can, pay for extra leg room
• Try to get a place that can provide a toddler bed or pack n play if your child sleeps in one. 
• Try to get a place with a fridge and microwave for emergency food for the lil one.
• If you can get a place with a Washing machine/Dryer, do so, its easier than piling up laundry or hand washing.
• Try to stick to their regular bedtime
• Try to pick up cues on when they are sleepy or getting overwhelmed, hungry, need a diaper change, etc. This will help avoid meltdowns and tantrums. While on vacation we tend to get carried away and its too late before we realise they are exhausted and they end up overtired and crying inconsolably. This happened to me on a City Sightseeing bus tour and as you can imagine, i could not get up to rock her and we could not change location. She cry-yelled the whole way back to our stop until she dozed off.
• Plan well and don't lose your cool when things go crazy-breathe and talk calmly. You can vent when they are out of sight or asleep.

Note: Depending on the change in temperature between the places you are travelling from and to, your toddler may have sun spots, mouth blisters n dry patches on their skin. Be sure to watch out for that and keep their adequately protected.

I have barely used other means of transportation for travel with her as a toddler so i can't advice on that, although some of these tips may be applicable. I hope you find this post useful if you are planning to travel with your toddler and if you have more tips on travelling with toddlers, feel free to share them in the comment section.  

Toodles!XooX

How to plan a Naming Ceremony

We had our baby's Naming Ceremony in our parlour/living room, hubby & i handled the planning. I knew i wanted us to do something small because i wasn't up for the stress of throwing a big party (it's also not my style). The Naming Ceremony is typically done Seven (7) days after delivery but this can vary depending on your culture and church denomination. You may want to discuss with your spouse and parents while pregnant to know what applies in order for you to make the necessary preparations.

We had only 5 days to put things together for ours due to the time baby spent in the NICU (read my TMI Labor & Delivery Story) before we were discharged. My advice is to plan the basics ahead and decide on any vendors then finalize all arrangements after baby is delivered.

We planned for 30 guests (including friends) and used this number to make all our prep. We spoke with our pastor and agreed on having the ceremony by 10:00am. We informed her grandparents, aunties and uncles that were in town and a few friends (we told our friends to come in the evening though).

Things to do:

• Inform your pastor and agree on a time for the naming ceremony
• Invite guests
• Make arrangement for Refreshments (Small chops, food, water and drinks) based on your estimated no. of guests (have extras for people that bring +1s) 
• Get an outfit for baby (i had gotten a white gown and white shawl before having baby)
• Get an outfit for yourself (the parents)- i had my tailor make me an outfit when i got back from the hospital and hubby wore a white traditional attire he had. I did my makeup myself.
• Type out Baby's names and cut out several strips of the names (this will be distributed to guests). You can have someone design and print this for you, i did this myself and i printed it at home.
• Type Baby's names and the meaning for the pastor to use during the naming of the baby.
• If you having the ceremony in your Parlour/Living room like we did, it's good to have supplementary power supply (Generator, Inverter, etc.). You can have someone design and print this for you, i did this myself and i printed it at home.
• Get a photographer or designate someone to take pictures and make videos during the event. 
• Have your Parlour/Living room cleaned and dusted and you may want to rearrange your furniture to have more space or get extra chairs depending on your no. of guests.

We bought water and drinks and refrigerated them, i got a caterer to make Jollof rice and peppered chicken, she put them into 30 packs with spoons and serviettes and gave us the rest in a big cooler. We also ordered small chops which we served to friends who came in the evening with drinks.

The naming ceremony started around 10:00am and we were done by 12:00pm. 

The programme went as follows:

• Opening Prayer
• Praise and Worship
• Sermon
• Naming of the Baby
• Praying for the Baby
• Praise & Collection of Offering (the money was given to us to keep for baby)
• Closing Prayer

We took pictures afterwards, food and drinks were distributed to guests and we exchanged pleasantries before guests took their leave. Only the grandparents and family stayed till evening before leaving.

Baby slept throughout the naming ceremony, i got some sleep afterwards as well. We tidied the house and took out the trash before our friends arrived in the evening. Some of them got packs of rice while others had small chops and drinks for refreshment.
The house was rearranged and tidied when everyone had left in the evening, we refrigerated leftover refreshments, took out the trash and went back to our regular routine.

Some cultures and churches do baby's naming & dedication and baptism after 3 months so find out what applies to you so you are not caught unawares. You can always tweak my recommendations in this post to plan your specific 'baby event' regardless of the date it will be held.

I'll do a post on how we collated all baby's names, if you are yoruba you know the deal, everyone wants to give baby a name. lol

Toodles!XooX

How to get a Nigerian Birth Certificate for your Baby

Congratulations!! I'm guessing you probably just had your bundle of joy.
The Nigerian Birth Certificate is issued by the National Population Commission.
You will be given a Birth Certificate at the hospital you give birth once you have completed all the necessary documentation.
You the proceed to the National Population Commission and it's pretty straightforward if you are Nigerian and gave birth in Nigeria. I cannot speak for other scenarios.
Birth Certificate Process (For Abuja)

• Go to National Population Commission (NPC), Masaka close, Zone 7
• The Birth Certificate is Free for the first 60 days after the baby is born
• You pay a #4000 if your baby is older than 60 days
• Documents Required: Birth Certificate/Notification from hospital & Valid ID
• You will be given a form to fill and submit
• It takes 2-3 days for the certificate to be ready and you'll get a call or an sms to come for collection
• Go for Collection of the Birth Certificate

It's best to process and collect your baby's birth certificate as soon as you can. It is the accepted proof that you are the parents of your baby and you will need it for any visa processing for international travel. You can scan it so you have a soft copy, laminate the hard copy and keep it in a safe place as your child will need it in the future.

Toodles!XooX

My TMI Labour & Delivery Story (in Abuja, Nigeria)

I had always tried to imagine what my labour and delivery experience would be like, having watched and read the experiences of others on Blogs, BabyCenter and YouTube, to no avail.
When anyone i know personally gives birth, that's what i'm most curious about 'how was the experience of bringing a child into the world?' Most times the response is pretty vague.
This is my labour and delivery story, i can't say Baby Kiara came the way i had imagined, i mean she came on my birthday, a whole week before her due date. I still cherish every moment of it though and thank God for blessing me with her.

My Labor started on Thursday night  (Dec 21st), i could barely get any sleep because i was in pain and could not find a comfortable position, it eventually subsided in the early hours of Friday Morning and i was able to get some sleep. It started again around midday on Friday (Dec 22nd)  and continued randomly but i was extremely active setting up the house & baby things so i thought it was Braxton Hicks. It got more intense towards the evening that i had to take breaks, squat and walk around to relieve the pain (i was contracting already unknown to me).
I decided to go the hospital to get checked around 8:00pm, i had missed my 38week appointment anyway so this checkup would serve as that. I saw the Doctor, he checked me then told me the baby's head was down, heart rate was fine, my BP was OK and i WAS having Contractions though they were currently irregular. I honestly could not believe it!! My due date wasn't for another week and almost everyone had told me she my come even later than her due date 'cos it was my first baby. I was not ready for this news walahi, anyways i digress. I went for an ultrasound scan,they said baby was measuring small for how far gone i was and asked if i was sure i was 39weeks (My info was clearly on the screen by the way)😒 I just ignored them, abi how will i not know how long i have been pregnant lugging my protruding belly around and all the symptoms and what was i supposed to do with this info at 39weeks??!! (I will expatiate on this jist in my Pregnancy Diaries).
I took the ultrasound scan results to the Doctor, he told me to ignore them & not worry that baby's size was fine and the main thing was that the vitals were all good. He told me i could be admitted immediately or come back if my contraction got regular or more painful. I decided to go home to tidy up things for baby's arrival, pack baby & I's  hospital bag 🙈 (i had procrastinated on this 'cos i thought baby would come on her due date or in 2018, as she & I had discussed o) and wait till my contractions were Regular.
INTERLUDE (Small Jist)- While the doctor was checking me with the sonogram, i had a contraction and he was able to time it and determine my contractions were irregular, na so the matron enter the Doctor's office o and overheard what he was telling me. She said i had to be admitted immediately and she would escort me to the Labour & Delivery ward. See me see something o! 😒Eskiss ma, i'm not going anywhere, i know you are doing your job o, but my doctor said i can go home and that's where i'm headed. She said ok o, she has advised me as its my first time 'cos i may not make it back in time to the hospital for the delivery. Hian! when no be curse, abeg madam u cannot scare me, i dey go my house. I picked my bag and left. as i was leaving i had another contraction but kept a straight face 'cos i was scared they'd force me to be admitted.😅
Honestly i just wanted to be in my comfort zone (Home) while in labor and i did not want any unnecessary 'finger/hand in vagina' dilation checks as i have heard they are really painful.
BACK TO THE MAIN STORY
I got home and informed my fam that baby may get here sooner than expected, packed our hospital bags with my sis and last minute house tidying. I finally agreed to rest when the House was clean & rearranged to my satisfaction. I ate and watched TV.  I went into ACTIVE LABOR (it was a totally different level of pain!!) around 11:45pm just as hubby was giving me my birthday gift. It went on till around 5:00am. I stayed in the room alone with the AC on & lights off and was writhing in pain, hubby was in the room initially but started snoring and after i woke him up a couple of times he gladly excused himself to the parlour (The snore was as if something was sparking in my brain and not in a good way) I honestly felt 0 remorse, i swiftly moved all the pillows and throw-pillows to the centre of the bed and tried to find a comfortable position that i'd feel the pain less. I almost started panicking 'cos i had not finished reading up on coping techniques for labor pain and signs to know how i was progressing, i was literally clueless on this side of things. I tried turning on my laptop to watch the videos i had saved but i could barely look at the screen even on the dimmest screen brightness level (that something sparking in my brain and not in a good way sensation was all i felt) i had to shutdown.
I went on the Baby Center App on my phone with the screen brightness at the dimmest and was able to learn a couple of useful things on stages of labor, how to know i was progressing, what to look out for, how to time my contractions, etc. I used different coping techniques to manage the pain- from practising breathing and praying to mentally psyching myself with positive words 'It is well with me','i can do this', 'my body was made for this', 'God that has brought me this far, will see me true to a beautiful end', 'this is not pain, its discomfort', 'It'll soon pass', etc. I also twerked and vibrated my bum with my arms stretched out &grabbing at thin air (i know it sounds absurd and i stumbled on it by accident while writhing in pain, i must have looked ludicrous), also kneeling or laying in a particular position and putting pressure/massaging my back helped (I may do a detailed post on coping techniques for labor pain). The crazy thing i didn't know about labour was that the pain builds up-it starts at 10 then climbs to like 5000, stays there for a bit, subsides and then comes back again-if that makes any sense. I have a high pain tolerance and i'm really not a shouter (i also wanted to conserve as much energy as possible for 'pushing') so i was quiet throughout my labor and instead ground my teeth or bit my lip or cheek.
I kept going to pee and check myself  (i had read it helps labor progress faster) and managed to take naps in between contractions until i saw my mucus plug then my water broke not long after-it was not a big sploosh as i had anticipated (i had even spread a nightingale waterproof pad on the bed in preparation), it was a trickling as though i couldn't hold my pee. I had my 'bloody show' after my water broke, i quickly cleaned up, wore a pad and changed. I woke hubby and my sis up, told them to get the hospital bags and we went to the hospital. It was the longest ride of my life even though we got to the hospital in less than 10 mins. Baby Kiara was so ready to enter the world, the pressure i felt was so extremely intense that i really thought i'd have her in the car.
I told hubby where to park when we got to the hospital and waddled as fast as i could to the Labour & Delivery ward (we had been told what to do in our prenatal class) with my sis, i told them how i was feeling, my water had broken and i had seen my mucus plug. They asked if it was my first baby and i said yes, they said i should sit down 'cos the doctor was attending to someone else. Y'all should have seen my face contort. lol. i literally said 'I want to Poo really bad!' that was when they took me seriously, begging me not to poo o, that the pressure i was feeling was the baby (like sey i no know 😫😒). They informed the Doctor, hurriedly set up the Delivery Area and gave me a hospital gown to change into, i did not even care if there was any man there, i changed so fast and laid down on the bed. My people my legs had never been spread as wide as it was that day, the doctor said i was crowning, told me to grab my ankles and push (i had read on how to push so i did) i could feel the pain from baby's head pushing down, he said sustain the push and PLOP! Baby Kiara was out-Saturday December 23, 2017 5:20am at 39Weeks. 
My Birthday. I could not believe it! Relief was all i felt and 0 pain.😂
My 1st thoughts were 'That's It?!, She's here?! Just like that?!'😲😲. I had expected to be crushing hubby's hand while pushing, pull his beard, cry and all the other things i had been told women in labor do. Alas i was destined to have an easy, 2min noodle fast delivery. lol. I doubt it took 5mins from when i laid down on the hospital bed till she was born. Hubby and my sis even missed her birth 'cos had gone to the car to get our hospital bags. We all had not expected her to come out that fast, both of them were supposed to be with me to see her delivered but came in to meet her on my chest.

Baby Kiara came out with eyes wide open and hungry, they put her on my chest and cut the umbilical cord. I birth the placenta not long after, it was tied into a nylon bag we gave them and handed over to us for disposal. Kiara was taken to a baby bed in the corner where they cleaned her, checked her vitals,weighed her and did the necessary tests and measurements before bringing her to me wrapped up to be breastfed. The nurse cleaned up my thighs and legs with Comfit pads and disinfectant, then the Doctor informed me i was still bleeding a bit more than i should and he'd have to clean me out to know the cause and know if i'd need stitches, he shoved Comfit pads up my vagina to clean out the blood clots (This was painful!😭)then put a pill up my butt and said he'd observe me and the for an hour. The nurse finished cleaning me and the delivery area up, wore me my disposable pant with a Comfit pad, laid a clean nightingale pad on the bed and covered me. I breastfed baby, jisted with my hubby and sis and they took turns carrying her.I filled a form the nurse brought for baby and she was issued an hospital card.
The paediatrician came to see baby not long after and told us she would have to be taken to the NICU to monitor her vitals and keep her under observation due to her birth weight. She weight 2kg which was below the minimum normal baby weight. Hubby followed the paediatrician with baby's hospital bag to oversee things. Once she was settled in, he and my sis had to go buy baby food and other things on the hospital list we had not gotten.

The Doctor came back to check on me, he told me to go ease myself, i went to pee and used a bowl of water to dilute the pee from stinging (i had read about this while preggers). He checked me and said i was still losing more blood than i should.
Y'all, this is where i felt PAIN!!! forget Labor and pushing out a baby, that was a piece of cake.
He had to shove his hand with a Comfit pad up my vagina to clean out blood clots and properly see the tears he had to suture, meanwhile my legs were in stirrups. I breathed n exclaimed FUCK a couple of times, they encouraged me n told me i had been and was still doing very well and it'd soon be over, I kept nodding, thanked them, i was sweating and asked that the AC be turned on which they did. I was very surprised i didn't cry, in my head i was just thinking how can this short doctor have such a long hand, he's practically elbow deep in me!! Is he trying to go to my throat ni?! How can this be more painful than the labor and delivery combined??!! This is the definition of Violation!😲😱😬😓😭😷
He injected me in 3 different areas down there to numb me,  I closed my eyes and practiced my breathing techniques throughout the suturing process. It was a tad painful when the stitch caught my lil hairs (imagine if i had not shaved!*smh*). It honestly seemed to take forever and i could feel my legs going numb in the stirrups, apparently i had many tiny internal tears and the doctor was meticulous in getting it all stitched up. He massaged my tummy afterwards to be sure there were no more clots or excess bleeding (also painful). My tummy looked lopsided afterwards. lol.
The Doctor advised i do a regular sitz bath twice a day to prevent infection and emphasized i use lukewarm water. with lots of salt I thanked him and the nurse(who was pregnant by the way) and told them well done.
The nurse cleaned me up and helped me change into clean pads n disposable undies, i sat on a nightingale pad in a chair (surprisingly i sat comfortably and did not feel any pain) and waited to be transferred to my ward. I thanked the nurse again, told her job well done and asked how her baby was kicking.

Hubby went to see Baby in NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) then stayed in the waiting room till i was moved to my ward. I was on my phone afterwards replying birthday chats/msgs.The nurses congratulated me and were really nice. I browsed Browsed, Chilled & ate. They checked my vitals much later and the doctor came to see me. The Nurses did their rounds and gave me my medication. I went to the NICU to breastfeed baby every 3 hours (they showed me how to get a good latch)and observe how she was being cared for. We kept the news of baby's birth to ourselves and enjoyed the peace and quiet.😁😊
I was discharged the next day but opted to stay in the hospital till baby was discharged on the 25th and we took her home. We shared the news of her birth  with family and friends after we had settled in at home.

TMI-I had my 1st poop postpartum easily (i had been dreading this after getting stitched  due to stuff i had read online) good thing i'd been eating veggies and the likes i guess.  Comfit pad is supersoft and disposable undies are bae!

Baby Kiara's birth was the most surreal and beautiful experience i have ever had. I did not feel an instant attachment to her, moreso with her being whisked away to the NICU but the bond grew over time as i carried her, breastfed her, cared for her, watched her and more. The love i feel for her as my daughter is indescribable. It's been 11 months of being a mom and i wouldn't trade it for anything.
I have the best Birthday Mate now although i was reluctant to share my day initially (if you are a late December baby or you've read some of my old birthday posts, you understand why) i don't mind anymore and think its actually kind of special.💖👶😍

I presume if you are reading this you are probably pregnant, i pray God grants you a smooth delivery with baby and mother in the best health. 😘
Check out my other pregnancy & baby related posts.

Toodles!XooX

List of Baby Things to Buy as a First-Time-Mom in Nigeria

I had no clue where to start creating a list of baby things to buy as a first time mom-to-be. I knew i wanted to have the basic and essential items and add on extra stuff i decided baby needs as time went by. I had put our finances and accommodation setup into consideration, i also know i have the tendency to be a hoarder therefore i prefer to not buy anything i don't need. If i care to admit, i am also quite frugal.

I did extensive research online (Pregnancy and Baby Groups, Baby Center, YouTube, Amazon Baby Registries, Google,etc.), asked other moms (both first time and experienced) and got a list from my hospital which helped me come up with this list. 

The list is segmented into Hospital, Mommy, Baby and  Home Needs.

Hospital List (Please ask your hospital for this list and go through the list in the image- you do not have to bring all the items listed to the hospital however it serves as a guide on what you'll need long term)

please forgive its tattered state

• Nightingale Pads (This is laid under you in the hospital during and after delivery)
• COMFIT Pad (This is used to clean you up after delivery and you wear it afterwards to absorb Lochia a.k.a postpartum bleeding)
• Goya Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Milton Sterilizing  Tablets 
• Cotton Wool
• MOKO Methylated Spirit
• Soft Tissue paper
• Bathroom Slippers
• Baby formula 
• Empty Nylons for disposables
• Detergent
• Hot Water flask
• Baby Record Book

Baby 

• Naming Ceremony Outfit
• Sleeping area {Moses Basket, Baby Box, Zip-up Bed, Co-sleeper, Bassinet, Cot, Crib and/or Pack n Play Playard (I opted for the "Graco Pack n Play Playard Bassinet Changer Snuggle Suite LX Baby Bouncer, Abbington" and it came with a bouncer and changing mat)}
• Baby Beddings (Mattress, Fitted sheets,etc.)
• Mosquito Net
• Breastfeeding pillow
• Breast Pump & Parts (i recommend Spectra S1)
• Medela Quick Clean Breast Pump and Accessory Wipes
• Breastmilk Storage bags
• Feeding Bottles, Nipples & Sterilizing Kit (or Bucket with lid)
• Bottle Washing, Drying & Storage Kit-Sponge, Brush, Drying Rack, Storage Bowl with lid
• Soothie or Pacifier
• Wardrobe (i opted for the plastic collapsible/stackable kind)
• Bath Tub (i opted for a collapsible one to conserve space), Buckets, Soapcase, Bowls & Potty set
• Savlon Antiseptic (it is supposedly milder than Dettol)
• Body & Bath Products (Soap, Lotion, Oil, Shampoo,etc.)
• Grooming Products (Set of Baby Combs & Brush, Cotton bud, Nail cutter/file/emery board, etc.)
• Health & Medical related products (Nose Aspirator, Nasal saline drops, Baby Thermometer, Antifungal creams-Cacatin or Baby Tribotan-, Baby Paracetamol, Silverbird Eucalyptus oil-for steaming if baby is congested)
• Baby Towels (Hooded and Regular)& Washcloths 
• Baby Wraps (Receiving Blankets, Swaddles, Soft Blankets, Shawls, etc.)
• Diapers & Baby Wipes (Research brands)
• Diaper Barrier Cream (This is optional, most people go for Blue Seal Vaseline, Shea Butter or oils)
• Diaper Changing Caddy
• Baby Cup & Spoon
• Baby Carrier or Backing Wrapper
• Car Seat (i opted for the Graco Snugride Classic Connect – Little Hoot(0-2years)
• Diaper Bags 
• Playmat for Tummy time(i opted for the Fisher-Price Kick 'n Play Piano Gym)
• Baby Toys (Baby played with the toys that came with her Gym, i also bought a soft cloth books set & luckily she was gifted a lot of toys so i haven't had to buy more)
• Baby Month & Milestone Stickers

Baby Clothes

We have been very blessed in this area because i bought just the basics for Kiara but she has been gifted with so so so many clothes in different sizes. I'm super thankful for all the gifts, i would have had a hard time shopping for her 'cos there are soooooo many super-cute outfits for baby girls.
This list is just the Basics, you can add stuff that you like to it. Kiara was mostly in onesies and sleepsuits for the first 3months, we hardly went out except to get her immunization and once in a while i'd make a custom dress for her to match with me to attend a wedding.
You can start with buying 12 each of these basics till you figure out what you'll need. Also put sizing into consideration; 0-3months are typically bigger than newborn sizes but i think its better to go for them or 3months 'cos ur baby may be on the big side and if baby happens to be on the small side, u can then get a few newborn sizes (they outgrow clothes really fast) and wear the bigger clothes for them (i love doing this for progress pics, its a delight watching them grow into the clothes).

• Onesies/Bodysuits (Long-sleeved and sleeveless-plain an patterned)
• Long-sleeved Sleepsuits (Buy more of the ones with Zips, thank me later)
• Singlets
• Bibs
• Burp Cloths
• Socks (you can get the ones that look like shoes-supercute in my opinion)
• Hats
• Mittens
• Jacket
• Sweater
• Shirts or Tops
• Trousers and Skirts
• Gowns
• Pants
• Headbands

Mommy

• Comfy Nursing PJs
• Comfit Pad 
• Disposable Panties
• Bath & Body kit (Soap, disinfectant, toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, mirror, face & body products shower cap)
• Nursing Bras & Breast Pads (Disposable & Washable + Reusable)
• Nursing Tops (you can opt for Button-downs)
• Nipple Cream 
• Sitz Bath Bowl
• Tucks Medicated Cooling Pads (lifesaver if you have haemorrhoids or got stitched)
• Postpartum Belt (Higly Recommended)
• Naming Ceremony Outfit (if you are Christian and live in Nigeria, you know the Naming happens 7 days after you give birth)

Home & Others

• Hand Sanitizer ( I got a Big Bottle 'cos we had a lottt of guests who visited baby)
• Portable clothes dryer with wheels & cloth pegs
• Rechargeable fan
• Generator
• Washing Machine (Baby laundry is no fun, moreso for a working mum)
• Car Sun Protector

ADD-ONs

These are items i got as my baby got older.

• Height Track sticker
• Stroller (I opted for the Maxi Cosi Loola Stroller)
• Fisher-Price Rainforest Jumperoo
• Baby Proofing Items

My Preferred Brands (Proven Quality in my opinion):

1. Clothing- Carters, George, Luvable Friends and Gerber
2. Bibs- Neat Solutions & Bumkins
3. Nursing Bra-HoFish
4. Breast Pads- Lansinoh and Bamboobies
5. Pack n Play- Graco and Baby Trend
6. Activity Gym & Toys- Fisher-Price
7. Car Seat-Graco
8. Stroller- Maxi Cosi Loola
9. Breast Pump, Parts, Storage bags & Wipes- Spectra, Medela and Lansinoh
10. Bottles- Dr. Brown's, Philips Avent and Tommy Tippee
11. Pacifier & Soother- Philips Avent
12. Nipple Cream- Lansinoh & Avent
13. Diapers- Huggies (Little Movers from the carton), Pampers (Premium Care) & Molfix
14. Wipes- Huggies Pure & Pampers
15. Body Products- Natural Nigerian, Coconut oil, Palm Kernel oil & Sheabutter
16. Hair Products-Natural Nigerian and  Johnson & Johnson
17. Antiseptic-Savlon Antiseptic
18. Cereal- Nutriben

This list was compiled and personalized to suit my family, i know some of the items on it may be considered a luxury by some but honestly everything here helped make my transition to motherhood smoother than it might have been in their absence. I believe it's a comprehensive list that can be customized and serve as a guide for moms-to-be on how to get started buying baby things. 

Check out my post on Where to Buy Baby Things in Abuja and watch out for my post on my Labour & Delivery Story.

P. S. It's a great idea to create a Baby Registry on Amazon (even if you live in Nigeria), it can be tiring to complete the registry but it honestly covers all the aspects of items you will need for you and baby postpartum and you see suggestions that might be beneficial to you that you never thought of you might have omitted. The cool part is you get a FREE Welcome Box with different items, free gifts and discounts even without buying all the items on the registry.

Toodles!XooX

Where to buy Baby Things in Abuja

Where to buy Baby Things was never an issue for me until i had a baby, obviously😂. Here's a list to help other new mommies find what they need for their lil ones:

1. Sahad Stores (Area 11)
2. New Sahad Stores (Central Area)
3. PEP (Jabi Mall)
4. Garki Market
5. Garki Ultramodern Market
6. One Stop Baby Shop (Garki 2 near Tantalizers)
7. Mothercare (Area 11 near SFC)
8. Children Affairs (Kolda Link str,wuse 2)

Other places you may find useful although not in Abuja:

1. Online- Amazon (Create a Baby Registry to get discounts on items, gifts and an Amazon Baby Gift Box) and Carters (they have loads of sales)
2. Online-Babybliss, Jumia, Konga, Instagram
3. Lagos Markets
4. Discounted online sites and pages- CuddleCircle, Playcircle9ja, Abuja Decluttering Hub, MiniSelect

My Preferred Brands (Proven Quality in my opinion):

1. Clothing- Carters, George, Luvable Friends and Gerber
2. Bibs- Neat Solutions & Bumkins
3. Nursing Bra-HoFish
4. Breast Pads- Lansinoh and Bamboobies
5. Pack n Play- Graco and Baby Trend
6. Activity Gym & Toys- Fisher-Price
7. Car Seat-Graco
8. Stroller- Maxi Cosi Loola
9. Breast Pump, Parts, Storage bags & Wipes- Spectra, Medela and Lansinoh
10. Bottles- Dr. Brown's, Philips Avent and Tommy Tippee
11. Nipple Cream- Lansinoh & Avent
12. Diapers- Huggies (Little Movers from the carton), Pampers (Premium Care) & Molfix
13. Wipes- Huggies Pure & Pampers
14. Body Products- Natural Nigerian, Coconut oil, Palm Kernel oil & Sheabutter
15. Hair Products-Natural Nigerian and  Johnson & Johnson
16. Cereal- Nutriben

P.S. I highly recommend buying things during SALES periods which is typically any holiday-New Year, Labour Day, Bank Holiday, Easter, Independence Day, Eids, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. It will save you a lot of money.

If you know of more places, kindly comment them below.

Toodles!XooX

My Pregnancy Story & Diaries Weeks 1-5

I finally found some time to come on here with a post while adjusting to this new mommyhood life, do bear with me for now 'cos i can't stick to my 'regular' schedule.
Although i wasn't able to blog about my pregnancy, i documented my pregnancy journey using the Google Keep app on my phone. I decided to write this post as an introduction to my Pregnancy Diaries and as a follow-up to my Baby Pressure post so here goes.

Quick Recap-Hubby & I got married in May 2014 and agreed to wait at least 2 years before trying for a baby. We decided to wait an extra year 'cos Year 2016 get as e be back then and the dreaded biological clock was still on my side. It was by God's grace we were able to stand our ground and not succumb to all the Baby Pressure. Its our life afterall and looking back now, boy am i glad we didn't rush things.

PREGNANCY STORY

April 2017 came and we decided we were kinda ready to start trying for a baby, before that we had started preconception care at the beginning of the year. Hubby & I did the necessary medical tests again (we had done them before we got married) and reconfirmed we were both medically fit to have a baby. We both started taking folic acid & tried to stick to a healthy lifestyle (diet, drinking more water, eating more fruits & veggies, etc.). I started exercising & was able to lose the 'small chops & enjoyment' weight i had piled on by December 2016 and went back to my regular Size 8 from Size 10. 

We started trying for a baby in April, i have a regular menstrual cycle so i just calculated my ovulation period &we basically just went with the flow and made sure we had sex before and after my ovulation. I honestly did not expect i'd get preggers on our 1st try, trust me if i did we'd have probably started trying in May 'cos i soooo didn't want a December baby talkless of a birthday mate. Alas we all know God's ways are not our ways.

People had made us feel that because we chose to wait, we would find it  difficult to get pregnant at all, not to talk of on the 1st try. That's part of the reasons i"m writing this post & the Pregnancy Diaries, to encourage any couple that have decided to wait a while before having a kid that it doesn't mean they can't get  pregnant easily when they are ready and they can definitely have an easy pregnancy & delivery.

HOW I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT & DIARIES WEEK 1 to 5)
I'm quite in tune with my body so when i started feeling funny and extremely fatigued, i had a strong feeling it was pregnancy but i did not want to jinx it. I stopped my workouts due to the fatigue and watched my diet. Hubby and i discussed and agreed to take a pregnancy test if i missed my period, which i did. I bought 2 of the #100 strip pregnancy tests from the pharmacy (nothing fancy), did them and they were both positive💖 We decided to keep the news to ourselves (it wasn't easy by the way) till i was past the 3 month mark (the risk of miscarriage and other issues is way less at this point).
Life was still pretty routine, nothing much had changed and sometimes i'd forget i'm preggers and wonder why i feel so tired. lol.

• SYMPTOMS-Abdominal Bloating, Extreme fatigue, Frequent peeing and Swollen Tender Breasts
• FEELINGS-Hubby & I were excited n happy to have gotten preggers on our 1st try. I missed being more active n working out, getting good sleep n waking up feeling rested. The whole thing felt surreal.
• WORRIES-Eating the wrong thing or not eating food with essential nutrients/vitamins,Molar or Ectopic pregnancy,miscarriage,abnormalities or anything going wrong
• ACTIONS-I Prayed about my worries, signed up on the BabyCenter App, joined Pregnancy, Baby & You BBM Group, read, researched and tried to eat healthy n nutritious food, drink a lot of water and take folic acid daily

Watch out for the rest of my Pregnancy Diaries Series.

Toodles!XooX

Happy New Year 2018!!

Happy New Year!! 

I know my 1st post for the year is coming rather late, i've my hands full with our lil princess Kiara and that's also why there was no 2017 year end post.

Yes guys, we have a new member in our little family. She arrived on my birthday-Dec 23rd, that's how i spent my birthday so there'll be no 2017 birthday post (Enjoy my Labor & Delivery Story instead).

I got the best birthday gift & i have happily conceded to sharing my day with her henceforth (y'all know i take my birthday seriously).

More posts coming once i'm settled into the 'mom role' and have a routine. I have soooo much to share, especially about the pregnancy, baby shower, labor & delivery, postpartum & adapting to life as new parents so stay tuned.

I'm looking forward to all the year has to offer, may the odds be in our favor. Amen.

Toodles!XooX   

PSA-BHF 2017 Discounted IVF Treatment Offer (Nisa Premier Hospital)

This is a Public Service Announcement/Post! 

I saw this and thought to share as someone out there might find it helpful.

If you are interested, Register on their Website ASAP, read their FAQ section and call their contact numbers for more information.
Knowledge is Power.

Toodles!XooX

Baby Pressure

NO I AM NOT PREGGERS

'Baby Pressure', this is the more annoying older sibling of 'Go and Marry' pressure.

Yupp, the end game for the folks is not having happily married children, oh no no no...the bigger picture is what they aim for, having grandkids, not grandkid oo, grandkidsssss, meaning more than one.
9 months after the wedding is the exact date they want a child to pop out of you. If this does not occur, there is a problem, they do not care if you are doing family planning (don't even mention this to them!), getting to know each other better as a couple, creating a better living and financial situation, etc. If you watch NollyWood you know what i mean.
Their eye is on their goal, to beat their peers or join them as the case may be, by acquiring the title 'grandparent'. Of course they also want what they 'feel' is best for you; And the baby pressure is not limited to only the parents & grandparents, relatives, colleagues, friends, acquaintances and the likes will also play their part in the baby pressure game. Read from others on the subject here and here.

Even though i married young i still faced 'Go and Marry pressure' a.k.a wen will u marry or when will u bring a potential husband to show us. I finished university at 18yrs and started getting the questions not long after. Family events and weddings were the worst,  It didn't help that a certain 'Brother Sola' was asking for my hand in marriage from my parents at 18/19yrs of age-that's gonna be a Storytime post guys.

When did the baby pressure start in our case? Immediately after our wedding reception guys, IMMEDIATELY!!
I mean, everyone had left and we were preparing to head off to our hotel and crash when we were intercepted by the aunties!
Just 2 days before the wedding, sex was off topic (it was hardly even addressed during our pre-marital counselling) and now that we were officially married, sex was a serious topic and moreso how to IMMEDIATELY get pregnant. WHYY??!! We did not get married to instantly have kids, of course children are a blessing but we'll gladly wait. Also the pressure is mostly directed at the woman.

Major Reasons for Baby Pressure:

• Marriage at an older age- The couple are both not young and one or both of them are ready to immediately have kids or basically got married just to have kids (Some couples put the pressure on their spouse and on themselves).
• Peer Pressure- The couple or one of them want to be at the same level as their peers including having kids so they can join the 'parents club' or 'yummymummies' and flaunt their cuties. People like this are always bothered and thinking about what people will say.
• To Not 'Lose' Out- In some families you can be quickly set aside and have another woman take your place if you don't give birth asap and this also spreads to distribution of resources (money, etc.) for family welfare, inheritance and the likes; forcing women to go out of their way to have kids just for validation, etc.
• To Get Married- Most people are forced into marriage with who they are pregnant for or who is pregnant for them. Many have used this an excuse to 'tie down' men or women they are dating. Also some families make this a requirement for young couples before they 'allow' them to marry.
• To Avoid the Stigma- In Nigeria, especially, there is a stigma that comes with delays in having a child, suspected infertility and infertility. Sadly women are the victims of this stigma and shaming and are the ones made to feel like failures most of the time. Last time i checked though, it is God that gives children and it involves both the man and woman. 
• Biological clock ticking-'Ile obirin o n pe su' (A Woman's fertility is time dependent-typically after 35yrs there is a decline). The earlier you try to have kids, the more fertile you are and the easier it is to get ur body back in shape (this is true but Technology has come a long way to help).
• Continuation of the Family lineage- We all know how most Nigerians feel about having children, grandchildren, etc. to carry on the family name hence why they consider having sons a big deal and moreso an achievement.
• Milestone/Status check- When most parents & grandparents have met most of their milestones in life, all that's left for them is to attain the status of Grandparent or Great Grandparent and their life milestones will be complete!
• Eager Parents-Parents are eager to meet their Grand-children and Great grand children if possible (before kicking the bucket)
• Eager Grandparents-Grandparents are more eager to meet their Great Grandchildren/Great-great-grand children (before kicking the bucket)
• They want you to join the Parents' club/Women's Meeting- In some parts of Nigeria, you cannot join the 'Women's Meetings' until you have birth your 1st Child. Some others want you to become parents so you have kids in common, can plan play dates, exchange ideas on raising kids,etc. Some others are just tired of seeing you live the fun couple life and want you to feel the stress that can come with having kids a.k.a make una see as tins dey be; remember when you'd annoy ur mum and she would say she can't wait for you to have your own kids, yup.
• They don't want to be alone- There are some couples who have also chosen to live a no-kid life @the moment and some of them constantly want to confirm that they are not alone in this decision. In other cases there are couples who are struggling with infertility and need constant reassurance and uplifting from people in similar situations.
• Busy bodies- These are people that just like Panadol for headache wey u no get. They want to know what's happening with everybody (if there's a problem or otherwise) mostly for gossip and ask questions accordingly with no restraint. Strangers, Acquaintances, Colleagues and Extended family especially the ones you are not close to usually make up this category. Most Nigerians have no concept of personal space or being intrusive.
• Curious People- These are people who ask out of curiosity, some just wanna see if your kids will be cute, wanna know why you don't have kids yet, they can't wait to spoil ur baby with cute stuff and drool over them, etc.
• Truly Concerned People- These are people who wanna know if there's any reason for the delay (family planning, miscarriage, medical problems, etc.)so they can advise accordingly or provide support (medical, emotional or otherwise). Close friends and family usually fall in this category
• A way to tell you they are pregnant-Some people don't know how to approach telling their married acquaintances/friends (especially those that got married before them and don't have kids yet)that they are preggers so they ask if you're pregnant to get the convo started.

SOME of the Conversations i have been CONSTANTLY engaged in till date regarding pregnancy & babies (directly or indirectly)

Some of these convos individually did not put pressure on me but imagine having to CONSTANTLY (almost daily at a point) answer questions and talk about why you don't have a kid. It's exhausting and after a while you start to think if you are making the right decision, what if something is wrong with you and other negative thoughts. 

You have to be really strong mentally and emotionally to not let any of this get to you AT ALL and although i am, honestly it did get to me sometimes; imagine how much worse it'd have been if we did have issues and medical reasons for not having kids. Some friends have confided in me about how stressed and anxious they are and some of them haven't even been married up to one year!

During our Traditional Wedding

Dad: declared he'll be the youngest grandfather to everyone and anyone who cared to listen or pay attention to him.
Me: *YIMU*

Immediately after our wedding reception

Aunts: Let us pray with the newest couple before you head off to ur hotel

Us: Ok ma

Aunts: Prayed with us

Us: Amen, thank you ma

Aunts: We also wanted to advise you on some things, you should start eating oats, boiled plantain, etc and reduce ur sugar intake. You guys are not kids again

Us: oooo kkkkkk

Aunts: Yes, and try to have a glass of juice by ur side after sex to drink and re-energise yourselves; Tosin u have to stay put after so that everything can flow to where it should (i am paraphrasing here u guys). Missionary position is good and you can put ur legs up for a while after to help along the sperm. You are both no longer kids.

Us: hmmm.o.k thank u ma, we'll be going now

Aunts: You should spend most of your wedding night praying fervently and you can consummate after

Us: yes ma.

They said more things we left out. It was super awkward and we couldn't believe our ears. Thanks for the advise though.

Our Wedding gifts: Baby towels. baby robe, baby toys, baby bed with net and a baby walker.
I gave them all out to my pregnant friends.

During the Church Service (Barely 6 months after we got married)

Parish Pastor: Please we would like you both to wait behind after the service

(i REALLYY hate waiting after the service is over, we suffered this constantly when we were younger with my mum)

Us: Ok Sir

Parish Pastors (Husband & Wife): We called you to discuss something important. Your mum asked us to speak with you, if there's anything you can't tell them and you'd rather confide in us about getting pregnant.

Us: No there's no issue

Them: We also told her to not worry, that bodies react and adjust differently to each other, some bond immediately and get pregnant while for others it may take a while. 

Us: yeah

Them: We hope you guys are not doing any family planning, you are too young to worry about things like that.

Us: O.K

Them: It took us 13years to have a child and it was due to a minor medical issue that took 3 days of treatment to cure after diagnosis and we started having our kids shortly after. Please carry out all the medical tests necessary, both of you, not only the woman has fertility issues. In our case, it was my husband that had the issue and he absolutely refused to go to the hospital for 13 years because he felt the problem could not be with him and i as the wife had to endure all sorts of abuse and insults from strangers and family.

Us: Thank you, we are grateful for your advise. By God's grace we will have no issues.

Them: Amen and we will keep you in our prayers.

After Church Service

Church Member (a Doctor): Please can i have a word with you both?

Us: Sure sir

Him: I just wanted to discuss with you both about pregnancy and having kids. You are both very young and it is ok to wait a while or do family planning before having kids. My wife and I wanted to wait about a year before starting to have kids but there was so much pressure that we changed our plan. Don't allow yourselves be pressured, do the necessary medical tests and enjoy your youth and solo time together 'cos once the kids come they will take up all ur time

Us: Thank you so much sir, we appreciate you taking out time to talk to us

Him: You can consult with me or my hospital whenever you feel the need

Us: Sure thing, thank you again sir.

Mum: My Friend said she's sure I'm a grandmum by now

Me: Rily? u dint tell her we'v not b married up to 6months

Mum: Shrugged

Me: Smh

Client: You don't even look like a married woman, enjoy this your shape now o before baby will come along. I used to be like you when i got newly married.

Me: Lol. thanks. I get that comment a lot, i'm still newly married though and we don't plan on having kids soon

Her: My dear don't say that o, i'm talking from experience, i used to think like you and got an IUD and we are still waiting on God for a child

Me: Ok.

I did not bother engaging her because i could understand her point of view but i do know what works or doesn't work for one person doesn't necessarily apply to others. I won't be scared into taking such a crucial step because of one persons unpleasant experience.

Office friends constantly asking me @ different times: are u pregnant? what are you waiting for? hurry up o and other such comments

Me: Nope. Tired of answering u gals. Please stop asking me. You will know eventually 'cos my tummy will EVENTUALLY protrude. *sigh*, Ignored them.

I eventually stopped going to check on them in their offices and consciously avoided them so i don't have to be engaged in conversations. They finally took the hint and stopped bugging me.

Aunt: Is it kicking?

Me: There's no kicking here

Aunt: Just settle down n let him do what he needs and feed him well so he can have energy

Me: o.k

Ended Convo.

Mum:What's happening there *poking my tummy*?

Me: Nothing's happening, You all r stressing me out asking me, Its barely 4 months we've been married, wen it happens u'll be the 1st to know

Mum: This is d 1st time I'm asking o, It is well, i will stop asking so you don't feel pressured and i'll put it in prayer

Me: Thank you

Mum's aunt: How far pelu oro omo (with child matter)?

Me: In God's time ma.

Her: Amin o

Via SMS

Aunt: Kilonshele, ba mi soro (What's happening, talk to me)

Me: We are fine ma, no issues, thank u for ur concern

Aunt: Prayer

Via BBM outta the blue

Cousin: How r u, the fam and wok?

Me: We thank God, U?

Cousin: I'm aii

Me: Cool

Cousin: Baby nko?

Me: Which baby?

Cousin: or r u still doing sisi?

Me:

Closed the chat

Mum: Bro. Sola's wife just gave birth, i went to see them and help her out with the baby today

Me: Eeya, that's cool. Congrats to him and that was very nice of you

Mum: Se ki ya o (hurry up o), emi na fe wa je (i also want to eat) jollof rice o

Me: If its jollof rice you want, i have plenty, i can even make more for you,

Mum: U're not serious! I mean naming ceremony rice of my grandchild

Me: lol. ohh. In God's time ehn, for now enjoy the ones from others

Mum: Amen, iwo lo mo (that's my cup of tea) Ire a kari o (May the blessings go round).

Sis: Wen will u mk me an aunty na?

Me: I dnt knw wat u mean

I was looking nice, jisting with some of my colleagues in the office corridor and they were complementing my dressing.

Random Office dude: Se oko re n sun ni (Is ur husband sleeping) abi is he shooting blanks?

Me: Ignored him and walked away

Aunt: I pray u will be busting @d seams this year, we dont know whats happening o

Me: Amen ma, In God's time

Aunt: Don't stress o, kan fi okan ara e bale (just put your mind at rest)

I was at their family house cooking for them
MIL: My dear, ku ise (well done) i have been wanting to discuss something very important with you.
Me: Ok ma
Her: I want to plead with you for something, promise you will try your best on it
Me: Of course ma, as long as it is within my power
Her: Thank you my darling, it is within your power
Me: Ok ma
Her: I was asking your husband how far with you guys having kids and he said he is not ready yet and i should not disturb you about any child issue. You know he is a man, he does not understand all these things, that's why i came to meet you secretly, don't tell him about this our discussion o. You are the one that will know how to convince him about this.
Me: Ok ma, i'll do my best
Her: Ose (thanks) my dear, i know i can count on you. Oluwa a de fun e se (God will assist you)
Me: Amen.
Continued Cooking and told my husband when he came back although i told him not to mention it to her.

Office Lawyer: is 'NU' preggy? Her tummy is bulging a bit in dis pic n she looks like she has added weight.

Me: Nah,its just d pic angle,she's still skinny with a flat tummy

Her: What about u? What r u gals waiting for? Imagine i know a couple that said they plan to wait 2yrs before having a baby, i told her she's not serious. So u wen r u having yours?

Me: In God's time.

and then i switched to conversing with someone else and she left. Then she came back.

Her: Sorry, i hope i dint offend u, i was just asking. Even i and my husband,it took a while for us to have a kid and u never know who has issues and can be offended by the question. Now we have them and we are trying to run away from them,so i came back to clarify.

Me: ok, no problem.

Close Friend: Are u preggers now?

Me: Nope

Close Friend: Na wa O. Oga should hurry and fire na

Me: Lmao @Hurry & Fire. Abegi we are doing family planning ehn. Face ur own and go find girlfriend.

Former Boss: So wen are u going to join d club, let oga disfigure u!

Me: Sir, i will shock u guys o, no disfigurement will happen n i don't want to b struggling, soaking garri with baby so in due time.

Him: Fair enough, we shall see.

House Agent: (Calls out of the blue) Hows d baby madam

Me: i don't have a baby

Him: eeyaa sorry ma, i'm really sorry,eeya

Me:O K.

Cut d call.

Random jist

Cousin: That reminds me, i wanna give u a scripture (Psalm 127:3-5) to confess everyday- morning, afternoon & night.

Me: kk

Her: It worked for me

Me: Tnx dear, i'll read it.

Cab driver: Madam u suppose don get bomboy by now o

Me: Really? make we dey drink garri abi.

We laugh n change the subject.

Colleague: Ya Mijinki (hows ur husband)

Me: Lafia (fine)

Him: Ya baby

Me: No baby

Him: Ha! Why na? What r u waiting for?

Me: don't worry soon

Him: pls oo, u r taking too long

Me: no wahala

I walked away.

Friend's hubby: so wen r u guys gonna finish ur honeymoon

Me: huh? ohhhh. sooon. dollar is high at the moment

Him: lol. u wan born dollar ba

Me: lol.

Changed subject to Nigerian economy & work.

Me: I have a headache & i'm hungry

Friend @Work: Its babiesss

Me: lol, no its not, i just finished my period

Her: u can be on ur period while preggers na.

Me: i'm not preggers

Her: ohhhhh why na. i've put u in my prayers oo. i want u to have twins

Me: tufiakwa (God forbid) pls i want 1 at a time, thank u

Her: no oo u'll v twins 'cos u may decide to wait 5yrs before having another baby if u have them 1 by 1 'cos babies are stressful

Me:i dont want twins oo, no thank u

Her: Iya Ibeji (Mother of Twins)

I put up my cousins baby on my DP and a congratulatory message

Friend: Congratulations dear! Where are u?

Me: No be mine o. lol. my cousin's baby

Friend: Tosinnnnnn, i was so so happy *angry face smiley*

Me: lol. No vex ehn

My sis: Guess wat Mummy G asked me today

Me: what?

Sis: if i tell u u'll just get upset

Me: hmm ok

Sis: Mummy G asked me 'is ur sista (me) fat now

Me: fat as in pregnant?

Sis: yeah and i told her no

Me: what did she say?

Sis: she sed why na? and i told her noting

Me: na dem sabi.

Met her on d corridor

Colleague: Saw u on Monday looking really good from afar

Me: thanks it was my anniversary so i decided to doll up

Her: awww, dts nice. How far? i have not seen u pulling ur legs (waddling)

and then she lightly taps my waist to make her point

Me: hahahaha that's a new one (it was a new way of asking to me)

Her: i can't wait

I laughed and entered my office.

Random Phonecall from Colleagues friend

Caller: i hear say ur pikin don almost clock 1yr now

Me: pikin? its a lie oo

Caller: it's on its way coming ba

Me: laughs

Changed subject.

Via BBM

Cousin: How far? U don gree make hubby score goal?

Me:

Her: U no gree answer this question abi?

Me:

Her: changes subject

Via Snapchat

Me: Happy Anniversary of your brand/business!

Friend: Thanks for your patronage and i hope u r pregnant now

Me: cool

Him: huh

Me:

Ended convo

Via Phonecall

Friend @Work: Hey dear, heard u r under d weather so i cald to know if u r preggers

Me: no vex that i'm just calling back, i was ill but i'm better now and will come in 2mw

Her: so r u preggers?

Me: Yes! i wanted to surprise u

Her: really?!! R u serious??!

Me: No i am not jor! No baby here biko, normal illness

Her: u got me, you this silly girl

Me: u'll b one of d 1st to know wen i am don't worry

Her: kk....* changed convo*

Me: Gotta run

Her: kk. Iya Ibeji (Mother of Twins)

Me: mba o (Noo) no twins here, its night n angels r passing abeg

We laugh and End convo.

Me: HBD, TURN UP x 4

School Friend: Tanx! Wait is dere smtn i dnt know? x4??

Me: Nooooo, no baby here. I meant celebrate x 4

Him: Oh i thought u meant there's a baby on d way. Do fast, i want to carry my godson

Me: Its like u r not in dis Nigeria, open a trustfund and lets know u r serious.

Changed Subject.

Me: Heya, just saw an ad with ur pic in it; cald u to tease u

Old friend: oh, thanks jare for some reason i thought u were calling to tell me u r preggers

Me: seriously?? y would i even call just to tell u dat. *smh

Him:dunno, that's just what crossed my mind

Me: K, anyways i'm not.

Changed Subject.

Mum: Mummy D ti e pe mi leni won bere e (Mummy D called and asked after u)

Me: eeya how is she

Mum: she's fine o,won ni o ti e kin pe won (she said u don't even call her)

Me: mo ma pe won (i will call her)

Mum: won ni ki n so fun e pe ko sanu won o, pe won fe wa je ounje omo (she said i should tell you to pity her that she wants to see ur kids)

Me: ehen,in God's time

Mum: amin o, ko wa aye ko pe won o (Amen, find time and call her)

Me: yes ma.

Changed Subject.

Random jist n talking 'bout single life, marriage and how kids affect it, etc.

Me: Everyone's just on my case 'bout kids, its exhausting.

Close friends: so how far? u said u wanted to wait some years n its been a while already

Me: soon soon,u gals should open a trustfund lemme know u r serious about this baby matter.

Anyway, we actually wanted to wait just some years but see how this Nigerian economy just went downhill.pampers n baby food aint cheap o.

Close friends: that's the thing, u can never tell

Me: True, i guess that's why they say there's never a 'best' time to have a kid. Hence d adage 'ori omo lo n pe owo wa ye' (A child's head is what brings forth wealth). Regardless we wanna have some key things in place before having kids. After d naming ceremony everyone practically forgets about u and ur family.

Changed Subject.

Random jist

Friend: so how far pelu oro oyun de yi (with pregnancy matter)

Me: i dint hear u (i really did not hear her)

Her: i said how far with pregnancy matter

Me: pregnancy??

Her: yes na

Me: laughs, theres no pregnancy here o

Her: even my side too, it is well. I hope u have done the necessary tests though

Me: tests? oh, yh we have but we decided to wait a while before having kids that's why there's nothing on our side

Her: ohh ok

Me: but tests are definitely important, people may look well on the outside n something is going on inside d body. I know a number of people that tests helped  diagnose n solve their issues instead of trying to no avail. We intend to do the necessary tests again when we are ready to start trying for kids

Her: yesso its true, that's good.

Changed Subject.

Had a serious tummy cramp and held my tummy

Me: Gasp

Colleague: whats wrong? are u ok abi belle don set?

Me: *rme*

Walked out

Via BBM

Friend: How far you? Is there a lil bun in the oven yet?

Me: I'm aite. Nope, same ol' moi

Her: Lol. kk. not even fatter? haba

Me: As in eh, think i'm thinner sef. U nko? Lil bun cooking? (I already knew she was preggers and she wanted me to ask her so she could tell me)

Her: Lol. yes ma'am. As i'm old na i cannot afford to be waiting like you

Me: Lol @old. Na so. Congrats dear, May God keep u both hale & hearty

Her: Amen, Thanks

BIL:  Uncle D even asked after u guys o

Me: Oh reeally

Him: Yeah, can u imagine what he was saying even

Me:  what?

Him: he said 'no child yet'

Me: lol

Him: He said u guys don't know you're getting old and should have a kid sharp sharp

Me: We're getting old?loll. but he got married and had his kids at 40yrs+ though, if we go by his example we have about 10-14yrs to chill before having kids.

Him: Don't mind them, i even told them u guys may not be ready or u're doing family planning

Me: Exactly

Him: Wen i told him he said 'its not about them being ready, when God is ready and gives them children they just have to take it'

Me: LMAO! So he's God's PA and knows the appointed time we have missed and refused to 'collect' the children

Him: They always eventually end with a saying i'm a kid and 'what do you know'.

Me: Don't mind them, they gon be aite.

Random Phonecall from  friend i haven't been in touch with for a while
Friend: Hey dear, how are you? Just calling to check on you, its been a while
Me: Yesso, how are you and the fam (Random Jist)
Her: How far with baby na abi u still dey do this ur 'americana' style
Me: Yesso, i'm still doing americana style for now
Her: U sha ehn! Honestly looking back now i for do like you and waited before having a baby
Changed Subject

Via BBM

Cousin: Hows the honeymoon trip going?

Me: Really fun! Relaxing and its so beautiful over here

Her: Na u dey enjoy o, oya make babies oo.

Me: Lol

Changed Subject.

Random jist

Friend: Glad you guys are having fun, baby nko?

Me: lool, still in heaven o

Changed Subject.

Me: Happy bday ma...other bday greetings

Aunt: tnx my dear, how r u n d fam?

Me: we tnk God ma. how is d fam?

Her: they r fine o

general gist

Her: prays for me n told me not to have any worries, God has a plan for my life and it will come to fruition

Me: amen, thank u aunty, my regards to the fam.

Me: Congrats on ur new born baby dear. May God keep u & ur fam in good health and meet all ur needs

Friend: Amen, tnx dear. We waiting for you o.

Me: Lol. In God's time

Her: Yes i know dear, just teasing u

Me: Sure

Changed my BBM DP

Cousin: Is that a baby bump?

Me: No o

Her: U berra start the process ooo, so that by 30yrs u r done by God's grace

Me: Loool. Sure. When no be 5 children i dey born

Her: Lol. u no fit born 1 per year now. That 5 years, na max children 3 u fit born

Me: I fit na

Her: Abegi

Random jist and sent my friend a pic of me

Friend: The Forever Living Sonya products r really working for ur skin o, See how fresh u are!

Me: They are overworking!

Her: Abi pikin don enter?

Me: Nah, just finished my period even.

Her: ahn ahn looking like a freshly peeled boiled egg. lol

Me: Consistency is d koko,lmao. ko si pikin o, no be pregnancy glow

Her:i'll start using mine more then,lool

Changed Subject.

Via SMS

Mum: There is a programme by Dr. Wada of Garki Hosp about fruit of the womb/fertility at Sheraton Hotel, Ladi Kwali hall by 2pm on Saturday. Its free, your dad says i should tell you.

Me: O.K

Random jist

Close Friend: So i bought this baby blouse, soo cute for u. Please do and have a baby

Me: whatttt?? lmao

Her: don't know why i thought of u when i saw it

Me: Soon dear, don't worry

Her: No rush

Me: lol

Her: Na u go carry am, no be me. lol. so take ur time

Me: U can't wait to do dis baby shopping sha, u don buy blouse fa. What if na boy?

Her: lol

Me: Heya, how r u doing, I'd like to buy some stuff,
Friend that sells stuff: Hii, i'm good. How are you? are you pregnant now?
Me: Nope, i'm not
Him: Say 'not yet'
Me: oooo.k, anyway please get back to me on the items
Him: are you ok?
Me: Yup, i have to go now. Later
Ended Call

My Sis: Dad said i should tell to call him an that i should tell you he's getting old and needs a grandchild
Me: Waaaawuu. Seriously?? He said that? Lmao!! I can't. LOL. Well he has my number.

Tailor: Madam u don add o, abi u don chop 'beans' (are u pregnant)
Me: U no well, na holiday weight, abeg face ur work & finish the measurement. Beans ko Rice ni

Mum's aunt: Ma ko ba mi iwo omo yi (don't put me in trouble u this child)
Me: Ma?
Her: Ki lo n sele pelu oro oyun? (What is happening with u getting pregnant?)
Me: In God's time ma
Her: O je ma pa iro mo oloun ( U better don't tell lies against God)
Me: Laughs* ok. Very soon ma
Her: Jo o (Please o)
Me: Yes ma
Changed the subject

Boss' Friend: This woman you still never drop ne?
Me: No sir.
Changed the subject

Other Prayers i get regularly regarding pregnancy (i do not mind these though, prayers are always good)

-Prayers that involve fruitfulness, divine miracles,testimony, multiplication, addition, increase, etc.

-Ire a kari, ti e naa a de (the blessings will go round, your own will also come)

-May ur family multiply dis year

-Thiis time next year u'll celebrate with ur babies

-God's appointed time will be manifested in your life

-God will make the heavens open over all ur concerns

-You will live to see ur children and children's children surround u 

-God's will for your life will be fulfilled 

Things that prompt people to ask the 'are you pregnant', 'when will you get pregnant' questions or speculate that you MUST be pregnant

ANYTHING & NOTHING can make people speculate and ask if you are pregnant 

or when you will be or that you are.

-If you have any type of illness (cold, catarrh, malaria, tummy ache, back ache, etc.) You will likely be asked. If you happen to vomit during the illness, everyone immediately concludes its morning sickness.

-If you mention that you don't feel so good

-If you add weight especially around the tummy

-If your bust or cleavage looks fuller

-If you admire/compliment any child or baby's even if its a picture (especially on social media)

-If you mention you have a craving

-If you don't wear makeup or look different

-If you look really nice in a fitted attire

-If you wear loose attires

-If you don't make ur hair

-If you mention that you have a hospital appointment

-If you mention that you feel tired or fatigued

-If you sleep a lot

-If you are eating too much food, too little food or complain about ur appetite

-If you congratulate someone that v gave birth 

-If someone in your family or extended family or among your friends is pregnant or gives birth (especially if they got married around the same time or after you did-Wen ur cousin who married in July gives birth in August)

-If you attend family events and gatherings or go for a visit

-If someone hasn't seen or heard from you in a while

My Reactions to Baby Pressure

From the convos you read earlier you can already tell my reaction. It all depends on the person, my mood and the situation. I do the following:
- Ignore them
- Avoid them
- Give them a piece of my mind (a.k.a School them)
- Shut them up (I tell them to mind their biz or somthing along those lines)
- Laugh them off
- Get Angry 
- Engage them and explain 
- Agree with them
My Ignoring & Avoiding game is 100%-I ignore some pics especially of babies and kids i'd love to like or comment on, avoid chatting/calling people that get me riled up on baby matter (and that's almost every family member). 
I cherish my peace of mind and refuse to give it up for anything or anyone.

My General Thoughts on Having Kids and Baby Pressure

I thought about putting up this post after i have had a kid in case we do have fertility issues or complications in the future so people don't use it against me. However, I honestly don't care after giving it a lot of thought, my future is well guarded by God. It is strictly me and hubby's business afterall and I feel this needs to be said.

To the best of our medical knowledge we are both in good shape (not that its anyone's concern) to have a kid whenever we want to and i thank God 'cos it is not that simply & straightforward for some other couples. Even with that, some medically sound couples still struggle with having children. 

What if hubby n i wanted kids immediately after marriage and were not able to have despite being certified medically ok? I can't imagine the strain that would have put on us so early in our marital life. Soo many what ifs and so many tins are out of our hands despite the path we choose. So here i am sharing my thoughts and baby pressure experience with my fellow 'newly weds' on here.
Am i still newly wed sef? IMO yessoooo #ForeverYoung #ForeveraBabyGyal

I read Tito Idakula's post on her Blog, IG and BellaNaija and my faith was renewed. I'm a generally optimistic person and think mostly good thoughts towards myself and family and will continue to do so.'

Mo ti ba oluwa mi soro pe laye mi mo ma se ori re gege bi ase re.

(I haven spoken with my God that in my life i will prosper, according to his will)

Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."

For Outsiders-There is no need to put pressure on anyone about if or when they will have a kid. Simply put, it is not your business. Even if you are their close family/friend, parent or grandparent. Anyone will tell you that stress & anxiety is not good for any couple trying to have a kid and even if they are not it is certainly not good for their general health and well-being.
For the Couple-There is no need to put pressure on yourself, your spouse or each other about having a kid. It will amount to no good. It is God that gives children. I really hope that any couple thinking of marriage have seriously discussed and agreed on their stance regarding if and when they want to have kids and how many they would like. If there is that understanding, you can be a strong support system for each other against any issues that may arise and against outsiders. Are you only getting married because you want a kid? Do you see ur spouse as only a baby machine or sperm donor? It is critical to be able to answer these questions.

Newsflash- I do want to have kids and i do feel broody sometimes, especially when i see pics of glowing pregnant women,cute babies n kids,cute family portraits or even chilling with my friends or family with their kids and i daydream about having cute kids asap. Its not until someone asks me or makes a comment about it.

aren't these pics just making u want a kid like now!

However i have done my fair share of babysitting, i mean i've got about 30 uncles n aunts between my parents so u can imagine; i know for a fact and from their experience that having and raising kids is not a walk in the park, it is a huge responsibility. I have no fluttery illusions. 

Most of our grandparents had a village on hand and our mothers most likely had family members and helps to assist but most modern-day mothers don't have such a trusted support system now, especially working mothers. The majority are left to rely on strangers in the form of nannies and house-helps and we have definitely heard or read about how some of them maltreat the kids in their care. This is also one of the reasons some couples wait out having kids, so one of them can be available to stay home and keep a proper eye on the kids.

I want these kinda adorable pics too!!

I am grateful to have had the opportunity and time to bond more with my spouse, there are hurdles we have made it through together during these times that having a child involved would have most likely complicated wayy moree. Of course one can never be prepared enough for a kid but that doesn't mean rushing into it either. There are experiences in life that make us more mature, ready and even thankful to take on some things regardless of the challenges they may come with and i believe marriage, pregnancy and raising a child(ren) are some of these things.
What have i done during this 'wait period'? I have lived my life, had fun, done pre-pregnancy research, improved our lifestyle(diet,exercise,etc.), bonded n created lovely memories with my partner, built my career n explored other sources of income, planned financially towards having a kid, discussed at length possible home/life changes, discussed with other new moms on their experience, etc.
Everyone harps on about the woman's biological clock running out with age, it is true but i'm not falling for that afterall i'm still quite young (i have a few more years till i hit 30-35). Science has come a long way in helping with fertility and these include freezing eggs, artificial insemination, etc. Yes it may be more difficult to be carrying a pregnancy at an older age but it is not rocket science or impossible, it depends on what you have decided as a couple. There are many benefits to having your kids young and immediately after marriage but there are also Benefits of waiting till you are older to have kids. You can create a pre-pregnacy bucket list even.
I know couples who have had a kid immediately after marriage and enjoyed the process immensely, it has even created a tighter bond between them and i also know couples that divorced or were on the verge of getting a divorce for the same reason. They could not handle the mental, financial and emotional strain. A child changes ones life immensely and i do not think it is a decision to be taken lightly. It just shows that every couple is different and should not be forced/pressured to go down a certain path for the pleasure of others.
That there are people that are waiting or have waited, spending or have spent, praying or have prayed for children from their womb does not mean you should be in a hurry to have yours.
Don't live your life based on other people, we are not all yoked with the same burdens.
CRITICAL QUESTIONS TO ASK OURSELVES 

• Why do u want to know someone's pregnancy status before they choose to share it with u? 
• What key role will u play in the pregnancy status e.g. can u make them pregnant if they are not?
• What will you do with your knowledge of the pregnancy status?
• Is there a prize for trying to decipher and point out if someone is pregnant?
• Will the couple appreciate whatever input you think you can make with regards to this?
• What if they are going through a difficult time or complications?
• If you were in their position, how would you feel and/or react?
• What significant role and contribution will you play and make, if they are pregnant?
• How present will you be for them during the pregnancy period and after childbirth?
• What significant role and contribution will you play in the child's life,

I will admit i was ignorant about baby pressure when i was much younger and would ask some of these questions, i'd even get upset that a friend did not tell me they were pregnant before the bump shows but i quickly grew up and stopped being naive. It is a very personal question asking a couple about fertility, pregnancy and kids. I have learnt long ago to be sensitive, respect people's decisions (whether they share it with me or not) and mind my own business especially when i am making no substantial contribution to such decisions. 

I reoriented my mind and answered the critical questions above. There are exceptions of course, people you are very close with and will share their decisions with you or their challenges and lean on you but even in such cases, your approach is still very important.

I have come to a place that i know if they choose to share the news with me early, then they do. What difference does it make? I can only be happy for them, buy them cute baby stuff (depending on how close we are), be there for them emotionally, lobby for godmother position and basically be a good supportive friend. I can still be all these things though even after d bump shows. Hearing it from someone or Seeing the bump myself before they acknowledge they are pregnant shouldn't change how happy i am or me praying for them to have a safe delivery of a healthy child.

People have soooo many reasons for not letting friends n even family know early whether or not they are pregnant and we should be able to respect their decisions without putting pressure on them. For some it is personal preference or it may be a high risk pregnancy or both parents are busy praying to be blessed with their bundle of joy or they may have suffered through a miscarriage(s), superstitions, fear, family planning and they might just well be living their life happy-go-lucky mode. There are soooo many reasons. Typically pregnancy is considered viable after the first trimester (3 months).
I know people who have suffered miscarriages and shared with me without me asking any questions and i was there for them and uplifted them as much as i could, for some their bodies had already started going through changes and they had to relive their pain the more people asked them questions. I was thankful i did not go 'oh ur face and bust are fuller, baby don set abi' or something along those lines. I have made such mistakes in the past, my friend had confided in me and i was so excited for her! When i eventually saw her i kept making reference to how she was glowing and how i couldn't wait to see her baby, she had to call me aside and tell me that she had lost the baby but still had the baby weight and other symptoms, i felt extremely terrible and that's towards someone that had shared the news with me. Of course the next time she got pregnant, she took her sweet time before telling anyone and who can blame her for that?

The main moral of my post is to enligthen us to be sensitive and conscious in these situations and to also let my fellow married couples know how the typical Nigerian society functions and the baby pressure that comes after marriage.

Don't bombard married couples with baby pressure by asking these questions and even if you want to ask those you are close to, there are careful conscious approaches to make sure they understand you are asking from a place of love and care. If they have chosen not to have kids, respect their decisions instead of constantly asking if and when they'll change their mind; If its family planning, respect their decision; If they are going through difficulties, respect their situation and be there to uplift them as much as they are comfortable with. Whatever the situation, put yourself in their shoes and respect them.
Also i'm aware most people stigmatize you or shame you if you are not the biological parent of a child even when you raise such a child to the best of your ability. It is indeed very sad. There are soooo many children in the world that are in need of love, affection and a home to be raised. Soo many orphanages, children shelters, motherless babies homes and the likes. Why is it only ok to make donations to such places but a taboo for someone without a child to adopt? The Nigerian society mainly preaches that it is only ok for you to adopt after you have had children from your womb and even if all your children are adopted it should be kept a secret otherwise they will be treated as outcasts by the extended family. I honestly cannot understand our society.

A child is a child. 

Whether the child(ren) came into your family through surrogacy, adoption or any other means considered to be uncoventional.
The  major focus should be that you are a good parent and raise your child(ren) to the best of your ability.
I would also like to add that people that have just one child also face baby pressure, asking them when or why they haven't had another child is insensitive. They may have had struggles and challenges having their current child that you are not privy too or have been struggling to have another or are simply satisfied with having one child. Negative commentary and name-calling which is prevalent in our society is totally uncivilised.
People will say having one child is as good as having none per-chance something terrible happens and they lose that one child. Death is inevitable and can happen at any time to anyone, some people lose all their children in one day in terrible situations while someone that have just one child will have grandchildren. Nothing is set in stone so we have to change our mindset.
Once u have your child through whatever means you choose, you now have the responsibility to become a good parent to that child and that is what i believe qualifies anyone to be called a Parent, not just your contribution to conception. We all know there are terrible parents (fathers and mothers) out there that a child would be way better off without.

Our Major Considerations/Activities before having a child

• Pre-baby Research- (Good Hospitals, Interacting with new mums/dads & old mums/dads, reading books, blogs, websites; watching videos and googling, etc.). Check out Ummi's post on things to do before getting pregnant, there are other similar posts  (a.k.a preconception care) online. I intend to do a separate post on my research so far.
• Full day/night babysitting for a friend or family member's kid without calling on the parents 
• Actively host a friend with a baby or young child at ur house to get a little feel of what its like (The baby crying almost did our head in and gave us a new perspective)
• Medical Examination
• Improved Lifestyle (Diet & Exercise)
• Living situation
• Finances & Career plan
• Create a pre-pregnancy list of things/experiences/memories you can only enjoy as a couple and start doing them
• Birth Plan
• Being Hands-on parents

Random Thoughts about having a child

• I wonder a lot the kind of mother and parents we'll be
• How much our lives will change 
• How much our relationship will change
• How much my body will change
• How well we will adjust to all these changes
• The kind of world we live in today and raising a child amidst such
• Top of my prayers is a healthy child. 

These considerations and thoughts are not to frighten anyone but instead help you understand and be somewhat prepared for what may soon be your reality. It doesn't mean that some challenges may not still arise even after you think you've done the needful or that you won't have it smooth sailing.

Family Planning & Birth Control
There are different forms of family planning and birth control methods, i'd advise any couple that want to seriously take this step to consult with their doctor to recommend the best options. These are the types i'm conversant with and you can read more about some of them here, here and here; They are broadly divided into 3 categories:

• Natural Methods:

         -Natural Family Planning [NFP] (This comprises of the family planning methods approved by the Catholic Church)

          -Fertility Awareness Method

• Hormonal Methods 
• Non-Hormonal Methods

We have been practising natural methods which is our preference and it has worked great for us so far.
I know some churches are against family planning and birth control because they believe the sole purpose of sex is to procreate or that birth control/contraception is a form of murder, which is a sin but i do not agree with such doctrines. It insinuates that the sole purpose of marriage is sex aimed at procreation and that there is no fulfilment otherwise and that's not my understanding from the bible {Gen 1:18-25; Eph 5:31-33}.

Genesis 1:28 is a blessing. 

It does not refer to what humans must do to please God, but to what God does for and through humankind. "God blessed them, and God said unto them, 'Be fruitful and multiply...'" (KJV). Fertility is not a command but a blessing that God gives to his creatures, to animals as well as humans (Gen. 1:22). Read more here.

Fertility & Pregnancy

• Natural Insemination
• Artificial Insemination
• Assisted Reproduction a.k.a Fertility Treatments (in Nigeria, read , here, here, here, here and here)

          -In Vitro Ferilization (IVF) If you are Nigerian, please read here (for discounted IVF treatment) and here  for more info

          -Surrogacy (read more) and more.

• Adoption
• Fertility Preservation

          -Cryopreservation: Includes freezing of eggs (oocytes), sperm, embryo,etc. 

• Fertility Tests

Please stay hopeful and do not give in to the waves of depression and misery if you are going through a difficult time having a child or had a miscarriage. You can click here and here to read the experiences of others and their testimonies, get support (you are not alone and you are not to blame) renew your faith and uplift your spirit.

There are people who married very young, medically sound and started trying for a baby and years on are still trying. I pray God will fulfil their heart desires; there are also those that waited till they felt they were ready enough and immediately got pregnant. Everyone's experience is different.

Having a child is a full-time responsibility, please don't go start the process just for the sake of it or because of pressure. In most cases you and your spouse will be totally on your own in raising the child, so think carefully before making your decision. Do not commit your life to any random person just to have a child asap, marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment and getting hitched to the wrong person is a recipe for disaster with or without kids.

Please DO NOT ever stigmatize any couple that cannot or don't want to have kids especially the woman, whether you think its their fault or not or the wrong choice and regardless of info about their life that u may be privy to. It is simply not your business. 

So many couples especially the women struggle, soo many hurting, oppressed, depressed, abused, enduring and suffering in silence.

If it is ordained that you will have a child(ren) and live to meet your grandchild(ren), great-grandchild(ren) and even great-great-grandchild(ren), it will happen. Children are a gift from God.

I leave you with these verses of scripture-

Eccl 9:11 "...the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong..."

Isa 55:8-11 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord..."

Psalms 56 "What time i am afraid, i will trust in thee. In God i will praise his word, in God i have put my trust; i will not fear what flesh can do unto me..."

Rom 8: 28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I Thess 5:16-18 "...In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

Habakkuk 3:17-19 "...yet i will rejoice in the Lord, i will joy in the God of my salvation..."

Hebrews 4:14 "Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession."

1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

You are not a failure or a shame or inadequate, having a child or not does not define you.

God and your complete faith in him is the key to your peace & joy.

Toodles!XooX